Change is weird. Sometimes
it’s good. Sometimes it’s bad. Sometimes it’s easy. Sometimes it’s hard.
Sometimes I resist it, sometimes I welcome it. When I don’t quite know how I
feel about it, I can at least agree that it’s weird. That’s how it’s been for
me the past few weeks, for a few different reasons.
First of all, for those who
don’t already know, I have Crohn’s disease. I was diagnosed in 2009. Luckily
for me, I’ve gotten it under control. It’s different for each person who has
it, and it is managed differently. My understanding is that it is a chronic
disease where my immune system attacks my digestive system. Fun stuff. To sum
up what Crohn’s disease means for me, I have to get an expensive IV infused
medicine called Remicade every 2 months. It helps with the inflammation, but
suppresses my immune system. How does all this relate to change and my mission?
Well, my mission call letter has me going to the Mexico MTC, right? When I
started making some calls of how I could get my medical treatment while there,
it raised concerns. Concerns that, according to the referring doctor, couldn’t
be resolved in Mexico. Not only would getting my Remicade be complicated, but I
guess I’m more susceptible to diseases and parasites and such because of my
suppressed immunity. That’s what the docs say. I just see this situation
through the lens of my own strength and what I think I can handle. They see
other dangers that I may overlook. I wasn’t ready to throw in the towel on
Mexico, so I made phone calls. Many many phone calls. I was the very first
situation of a missionary called to do their training in Mexico with this
condition. In the end, “the brethren” were notified and consulted, and my
mission call was changed. I’m still going to Nampa, Idaho, but I’m going to the
Provo MTC and reporting a week earlier. I can’t say I was completely peachy
with the idea at first. I was disappointed. Straight up. But, I’ve become okay
with it. It’s a situation where I have to have faith that no matter where I go,
I will learn and grow. I’ll be effective if I rely on my Savior. Whether in
Mexico or Provo. If I resist, I’ll struggle. There will be some reason that I
was meant to go to Provo instead of Mexico. It’ll be alright.
The next change I want to
address is more general. Coming home from Provo has been a splash in the face
of cold, cold reality. Provo has been my home for the last two and a half
years. I haven’t come home for more than two weeks at a time since I moved out.
I was lying in my bed last night and realized that this is going to be my life
for the next few weeks. No school work. No going to work. No paying rent. No
doing things with college friends. None of what used to be my daily life. It
all just got SO REAL last night. After my few weeks of preparation and spending
time with my parents and little sister here, I will be jumping with both feet
into a new life. Missionary life. Yet another change.
This is what life is about.
Change. And adapting to it. Flourishing in it. Making the best of what is
thrown at you. In the end, I know that Heavenly Father lets happen only what He
wants to happen. He knows me and what I need and where I need to be. He knows
who I can have the greatest impact on. He has a plan for me. I am still
learning how I can discern that plan and let Him work through me. If He wants
me to go to Provo, so be it. If He thinks I can learn something from being at
home for the time I’m given, I’ll do my best. I love my Heavenly Father and
Savior with all my heart and want, more than anything, to live up to their
expectations. I want to be the best and most obedient that I can, so I’m worthy
to represent them.
